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Home > About Animal Den > Additional Resources > Jokes > Dog Jokes

Dog Jokes


Where do you find toy poodles?

In a toy store -- where else?

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When is a dogs tail not a dogs tail?

When it's a waggin' (a wagon)!

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What holiday do dogs like best?

Howl-a-ween.

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What kind of dog sniffs out new flowers?

A bud hound (bloodhound).

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Why didn't the dog speak to his foot?

It's not polite to talk back to your paw.

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If you are a dog and your owner suggests that you wear a sweater, suggest that he wear a tail.

Fran Lebowitz

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Why did the dog feel as frisky as a puppy?

It got a new leash on life!

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Why do some of our canine friends prefer to stay home?

Because it's a dog-eat-dog world out there!

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What do you call a nutty dog in Australia?

A dingo-ling!

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What is the dogs favorite city?

New Yorkie!

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Who was the dogs all-time favorite comedian?

Growlcho Marx!

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What is the height of bad manners?

Telling a pointer not to point.

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Two men are sitting on a bench, one man saw a dog by the other man and asked if his dog bites. The man said no. So the other man reaches down to pet the dog and the dog bites him. The Man said "I thought you said your dog doesn't bite". The other man said "that's not my dog" .

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Bud’s dog had been jumping around all day and looking good; then suddenly passed out. Bud grabbed the dog and headed for the Vet. The Vet examined the dog and exclaimed, "this dog is dead!". Bud said, "Your crazy"! That dog is only two years old and has always been healthy". The Vet said, "Well, I’ll try again". After looking over the dog for the second time, he confirmed his diagnoses, "The dog is dead." Bud couldn’t accept this, so the Vet said he could try one other thing. He went to the back room and came back with a cat. He put the cat on the dog and the cat started biting and scratching the dog—jumping from one end of the dog to the other. No response! The Vet said, "that dog is dead." Finally, Bud said "I guess your right, how much do I owe you?". The Vet said,"$325.00." "Why so much?", asked Bud. The Vet said,"$25.00 for the Exam... and $300 for the Cat scan."

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What do you call a happy Lassie?

A jolly collie!

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How do you catch a runaway dog?

Hide behind a tree and make a noise like a bone!

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It was a slow day in heaven so God telephoned Satan to see what was going on. "It’s slow here too," says Satan. "Well," God said, " I think a dog show might be fun. Let’s put on a dog show." "Sounds good," says Satan, "But why are you calling me? You’ve got all the dogs up there." "I know," answered God, "But, you’ve got all the judges down there!"

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What is the all time favorite Broadway musical in Dogland?

My Fair Laddie!

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What dog loves to take bubble baths?

A shampoodle!

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What dogs are best for sending telegrams?

Wire-haired terriers, of course?

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What terrier is like the little engine that could?

I think, a cairn!

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What dog is always good for a laugh?

A Chihua-ha!

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Which dog sets a furious pace?

The rushin' (Russian) wolfhound!

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What dog is disliked by many?

The Doberman, because it's a pinscher!

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Which dog is as warm as a blanket?

An Afghan!

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Which dogs speak?

"Herd" dogs!

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What dog stands the best chance of winning the heavyweight title?

A Boxer, of course!

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What kind of dog does Count Dracula prefer?

Any bloodhound!

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1st Mailman: A dog bit me on the leg this morning!

2nd Mailman: Did you put anything on it?

1st Mailman: No, he liked it plain!

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My dog can bark like a congressman, fetch like an aide, beg like a press secretary and play dead like a receptionist when the phone rings.

Gerald Solomon

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A dog teaches a boy fidelity, perseverance, and to turn around three times before lying down.

Robert Benchley

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What do you call it when 3,000 dogs and cats get sent to the pound?

A doggone catastrophe!

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A nursery school teacher was delivering a station wagon full of kids home one day when a fire truck zoomed past. Sitting in the front seat of the fire truck was a Dalmatian dog. The children fell to discussing the dog's duties. "They use him to keep crowds back," said one youngster. "No," said another, he's just for good luck. A third child brought the argument to a close. "They use the dog, she said firmly, " to find the fire hydrant."

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What do you call a setter who can't point?

Disa-pointing!

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No Dogs Allowed.

A guy wanted to take his Chihuahua into a restaurant with him, so he put on dark glasses and
"tapped" his way into the establishment. The waiter said "Hey!, you can't bring a dog in here. "The man indignantly claimed "I'm blind! ... this is my Seeing Eye dog!" "You're trying to tell me" said the waiter, "that this Chihuahua is a Seeing Eye dog?" "What???!!", cried the man, "they gave me a Chihuahua?"


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